MUMBAI – MAHARASHTRA – INDIA MARCH 09, 2015 11.55 P.M.
Sometimes hidden hands of unknown and mysterious future play cruel, cussed and complicated games with our lives. To know how, have a look : My elder son Nitin was born on February 21, 1977. And my younger son Gaurang got married to Namita on February 21, 2015. There is 38 year gap between the two chapters of my life but the date [ February 21 ] is same.
Nitin, at the age of 18, died a premature death in Mumbai on February 25, 1994. And my daughter-in-law Namita entered into my house for the first time on February 25, 2015. Again there is 21 year gap between these two chapters of my life’s journey but again the date [ February 25 ] is same.
Isn’t it uncanny? Though it all started with Gaurang’s engagement to Namita on November 24, 2014. But the similarity of other two dates make me numb. It seems surreal. It seems quirky. It seems strange. It is definitely uncanny.
Is there some hidden meaning, which I am unable to read? Is there some mystery, which I am unable to unravel? Is God trying to say something in a subtle way, which I am unable to understand? Is there some divine signal, which I am unable to see? I have no answers. Only time knows. Only fate will tell.
At the time of writing this blog, I am a bit unnerved and concerned for my future. After marriage, daughters go to their husband’s house and sons take a new path. They start preparing for their own lives. A new life begins, but sadly an old journey comes to an abrupt end. With my elder son gone 21 years back and other two sons starting their own individual journey, I stare at a lonely future. And yes, I am getting old and I am becoming weak too by each passing day.
हर रोज़ निकलता है सूरज , और शाम को ढलता जाता है ,
प्रभु तेरे दिए इस जीवन का , हर दिन कम होता जाता है ।।I would love to have my sons in my life as they look in the above picture. But alas! they are grown up now. Even if I desire, and even if they wish, they can’t be kids again.
I always secretly wish that my wife should precede me in death. I don’t want her to live longer than me and suffer. Though, not a good husband myself, I still feel that I can take better care of her. I am stronger than her and have thick skin to tolerate all kinds of old-age related family problems. Her death will certainly make me lonely, forlorn and melancholy but for her peace of mind, I wish it to happen.
With everyone gone or getting busy with their lives, I dread a hypothetical scenario of my future life, which might happen soon, rather very soon.
I imagine and visualise myself as an old, frail, emaciated, infirm and rickety man with a forlorn mind and dotage-stricken body. I see that I am unable to walk ………………….. unable to do my daily chores ………………………………. waiting for my morning cup of tea, but in vain ……………… looking for my cold breakfast, delayed lunch and much delayed dinner with unending anticipation …………………….. waiting hopelessly for someone to spend time with me ………………………… somebody to listen to my asinine talks …………………………… someone to share my toothless chuckle …………………….. but alas ………………… ! Wait might be unending. Perhaps no one will be there.
My two sisters are definitely there for me but they are happily married. They do care for me. They do try to help me and solve my problems as much as possible. They are really concerned for my well-being. But they too have their own lives. They have their own family. They have their own problems.
My brothers are there. We have now much better understanding among ourselves. We have become mature and have become more sensitive about each other’s feelings and way of thinking. But they too are getting old. They don’t tell me but they must be having their own problems and complications.
I don’t have a daughter. Tanya a.k.a. Aryama is my niece. She has grown up as a beautiful swan. During the marriage, I had severe pain in my right leg. Tanya came to me. She gave me helping hand, so that I can climb stairs of the hotel, I was staying in. She served me lunch and dinner and that too with perfection. She is still a kid with dreams in her eyes. But she gave me succour and that too without being asked. She could have been a support in my old age. But as stated earlier, one day she has to marry and leave me permanently for her marital bliss. Same is the case with Saumya, another niece of mine.
Whenever I used to think about my advancing age, my impending loneliness and the above mentioned imaginary future, I used to just sit and ponder. But now I think I have an answer. I am sensing the divine signal.
Namita’s wedding date and Nitin’s birth date is same. The date when she entered into my house, never to leave us and the date when my elder son left this world, never to return to us, is same. First letter of their names are also same. I think NAMITA has been sent by God to replace my deceased son and yes, She is also the daughter I never had. I feel she has come as a succour to my future melancholic being and a helping hand during my lonely old age.
A day after her arrival, my wife got hurt. She sat near her and nursed her till the wee hours of dawn. She massaged her body, put ointment, made hot water bag to sooth her. Even when her husband called her she firmly replied that “at this moment mummy ji needs me more than you.”
I couldn’t say anything. I heard the conversation in silence, in disbelief. I was standing there dumbfounded. I never realised when tears started rolling down my cheeks. That night, in the pitch darkness, I could see a faint glimmer of hope for me and my future.
With tears in my eyes, gratitude in my heart and a faint hope for my future life, I welcome the new member in my family. I welcome NAMITA ; The Daughter I Never Had !
शत – शत तुमको धन्यवाद है , सुखी रहो जीवन भर ;
झरें शीश पर सुमन सुयश के , अम्बर तल से झर – झर ॥
MUMBAI – MAHARASHTRA – INDIA
Filed under: Memoirs Tagged: | Abhinav, Acting Institute, Acting Trainer, Aryama, Deoria, Diction Trainer, Gaurang, Hindi Teacher, Kamal Nayan Chaturvedi, Krishna Kunj, Maharashtra, Mumbai, MUMBAI - MAHARASHTRA - INDIA, NAMITA, Namita Bhardwaj, Namita Chaturvedi, Nitin, Nitin Chaturvedi, Saumya, Tanya, Vidur, VIDUR Acting Institute, Vidur Chaturvedi, VIDUR Club, VIDUR Editing Studio, VIDUR Merchandise, Vidur on Twitter, Vidur's Blog